I was imagining a Paul Auster character archetype while writing this entry. That’s why I wanted to use him for the main image.

It was the short breath he took while lighting the morning cigarette he smoked right before waking up. Today he didn’t even wait to make a coffee. I guess he woke up a little grumpy today… 

Over the last 50 years, he knew what he was doing. Being a car salesman wasn’t in everyone’s bucket list. But he liked it. He liked selling the best car suitable for that one customer. He knew what he was doing, and he was good at it. He never actually liked people. But he liked cars, and he knew that in order to do what he liked to do, he needed to put that smiley face on. That mask was easy to take off after work. “And he had routines before putting it back on. He loved his morning routines. Two scrambled eggs and slightly overburned toast, doing so stirred his black coffee. He would put all ,one by one, onto his glass table. Looking outside to his garden full of different kinds of cactuses. He adored them; maybe one of the flower species where you don’t really need to take care of. He resembled them to himself. That’s why he liked them so much.” With a half smile on his face, he took a bite from his scrambled egg and swallowed it with a sip of his coffee. He was an old-school man; the radio was on, playing old country music. And he lit up his cigarette he bought last week. That deep breath was meaningful for him. Because after this he had to put on his mask on. But it was good. 

He left his plate and cup on the table. He will wash them when he comes back from work. This is what he did for the last 50 years…

Today will be his last day at work. Even though he would do it for half more, it was enough, they said. He swore he wasn’t gonna die like his late wife. Retirement isn’t gonna change him; he gotta keep his mind sharp. Dying like a baby without any memories is bad; he had seen enough. But life gets in the way when you are old. 

50 years, countless memories. It was over. He knew that he would be forgotten. A young one was even replaced before he even left the job. He trained him. But the job put meaning to him, not the other way.

It was different though. Smoking the cigarette before breakfast wasn’t him. But neither putting the mask on…